There is a war being fought within me. Or I was abducted by aliens and placed into someone else's body. SOMETHING is going on. And not only is it causing me stress and frustration along with discomfort and pain... it is causing me to feel as though I am not able to communicate properly (well). I am a talker. I am almost never at a loss for words. And I always thought I was able to get my thoughts across well... no longer am I confident that I can express myself well. (sigh)
Anyone who knows me, knows that I have been working on becoming healthy and living a healthy lifestyle - something completely new for me. I've incorporated eating healthy as well as exercising (cardio) and strength training. I started on this journey in October 2007 and have lost over 50 pounds so far. I am very proud of myself and my accomplishments. I have lost a lot of fat, increased my strength and cardio abilities. I am not tired and my body doesn't ache like it used to. I can walk and not hurt or become fatigued quickly/easily. I WANT to be outside doing things. This is all new for me. Even when I was thin, I wasn't fit. I am becoming fit. :)
So, what is the problem, right? Sounds like everything is great.
Perhaps I am just being whiney about it. If that is the case, then I just need to get over myself and move on. If you have a thought or opinion on this, feel free to share.
When I was at my heaviest, I was miserable and in pain whenever I tried to do things (like walking, carrying clothes baskets, etc...). I knew it was because of my weight and the pain was then justified. I hated it, so decided to do something about it... hence the lifestyle change. I have been feeling better and better with each pound that I shed. With each day further into a better, healthier lifestyle.
Until this year. Until I hit 40. Until... whatever milestone you want to throw in there. Whatever "thing" you want to throw in there as the "beginning" of this shit.
I was feeling poorly for so long, that I didn't realize how bad off I really was, I don't think. That is why the severe anemia diagnosis came out of nowhere and smacked me square in the jaw. That was in March/April. If you read my blog or know me, you'll know that I got an iron infusion and that seems to have done the trick. I go for one more blood draw to confirm that everything is staying up where it should be - then I will be considered "cured" without further testing or explanation of how I became severely anemic.
After that, came my yearly GYN visit where he ordered my first mammogram. Came back with abnormalities in both breasts. Lovely. Had to then go for an ultrasound of both breasts. Something was detected in the right breast and I am to go back in December for a followup ultrasound to see if there are any changes. If not, then I am just abnormal - which would be "normal" for me and what is being seen would then be labled... nothing.
At that same GYN visit, I asked for YAZ birth control pills. Two reasons... Severe PMS and because we officially decided no more TTC and we don't want a "surprise" thrown at us now. I hope that statement doesn't offend anyone. I know many would love a surprise at any age. Don't hate me or begrudge me for my choices at this point in my life. So, he gives me YAZ and I get the bright idea to ask to do back-to-back packs so that I skip having a period altogether. Who likes AF anyway, right? Right! So, I get the ok from the doctor's office... and a week into the second pack, I start bleeding and bleed for about 19 days. About 14 days into it, I call the doctor - he orders blood tests and schedules a visit to see him. I see him, he gives me more pills and instructions on how to get back on track with the BCPs and we will try back-to-back one more time and see how it goes. So, after 19 days of bleeding... I finally get relief and the bleeding stops (from the extra pills he gave me)... For THREE days. THREE! :( Yes, I am bleeding again. And it is heavy. And I have cramps. After bleeding for 19 days, how much could actually be built up in there? I figured not much. I figured wrong.
So, hormonally, my body is screwed up. PMS is back, I'm a pig, I'm a bear and I'm bloated. Freaking yay. Oh, and Niagara Falls has taken up residence in my hoo-ha. Okay, maybe not NIAGARA FALLS... but a small, fast flowing stream. Okay? :)
And... my neck and left knee have been bothering me. I see a chiropractor, but this neck pain felt "different", not like I needed a manipulation/adjustment. So, I went to the PCP instead. She ordered x-rays of both areas. Knee is tendonitis. Yipee. Neck is disc degeneration. I'm taking ibuprofen and seeing the chiropractor to see if he can give me some relief. So far... nothing. :( I *thought* maybe a little improvement yesterday - today... No.
So, my neck hurts today. My knee is giving me troubles and feels really "tight". In addition, the backs of my thighs - down by my knees are tight and tender feeling, but it is not from lifting as I am resting in that area of my life so as not to aggrivate the neck area. And now, for whatever reason, I have a sore spot on the bottom of my right foot. Whatever. (sigh) Oh yeah... and the ingrown toenail is STILL hanging around and giving me trouble too.
So, this ... all of this... is why I feel like my body has waged war on me. I am improving my life, I should be feeling good - not feeling like my body is quitting on me.
Oh yeah... everyone in my family has been giving me a hard time and calling me deaf lately. So, at the fair yesterday - there was a booth set up and they were doing free hearing tests. I thought it was a good idea to do one. I am borderline. 20% hearing loss. I can't hear low tones well at all. So of course.... that is 3/5 of my family - the men with their low voices. I just can't hear them or make out what they are saying a LOT of the time. My boss and his son - both men, soft spoken - can't hear them hardly at all if they aren't right beside me. And even if they are beside me sometimes I still have troubles. It is ridiculous.
Let's not even talk about my eyesight. I bet the next time I get my eyes checked... I will move to bifocals. Do they sell contacts that are bifocals? Small print sucks.
Age. Age has snuck up on me and bashed me good. I'm in round 3 and ready to be KO'd here. I want to win this fight, but am not even sure how one goes about fighting themselves... and coming out the winner.
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Aww, Cathy, I'm sorry you're going through all this! You have done a great thing by doing your lifestyle change, the weight loss is excellent(!) and the fact that you're more physically fit is awesome. Just so you know, I can identify with the knee issues, I've got what I think is bursitis in my right knee, it's been acting up for the last 3 years on top of just having bad knees to begin with. Since you lost so much weight, though, that should definitely help.
Has the pain behind your knees gone away? I hope so. That sucks about the mammogram results, hopefully your next u/s in December will show no change. Maybe you have fibrocystic breasts? Do they hurt a lot? Don't you wish doctors had more answers?! Ugh, we pay them a ton and they don't do shit! Sorry, short rant there. :)
As to the bleeding, that does not sound normal. Maybe you're going through menopause and the pills are screwing you up. I had bad experiences with BCP, now I can only take it for three weeks, then one week off (normal pack). I was on Seasonale before and had breakthrough bleeding once or twice during the pack. I used to postpone my period if I was going to the beach or something so I'd take back to back packs of regular pills, but only for a week. That didn't really make sense...I'd only take one extra week's worth of pills then have my period and then continue with the pack. That was fine, but I don't think I could take two whole packs back to back. Some of us are just wired that way I guess. I hope you get to the bottom of it.
I'm sure it was a hard decision to stop TTC (or at least put it off). I hope there are no more rude comments on FF about you or your DH. I agree with you about "surprises," I'm on BCP now b/c if there was that off chance that I got pregnant out of the blue, we'd be screwed (financially). I understood what you meant.
OMG I'm writing a book! I'll stop now. :oops: I hope you're doing better since you posted this.
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