Scared. Frustrated.

I'm scared. Posting here because I need to get it off of my chest and it seems as though no one around me really wants to hear about my problems anymore. They are all tired of my complaining and whining. My family doesn't want to hear it. And most of my online friends don't even acknowlege my words anymore. So, here I turn... to whomever happens to run across my words and cares enough to read. It may end up being no one. lol But at least I've got my thoughts out there.

I'm scared.

I seem to have all of these things going wrong with me. I've got several doctors looking at pieces of me No one is looking at the whole. What is the likelihood that I have multiple things go wrong, at the same time, but nothing is connected to anything else? I guess I'm not believing in that very much at this point.

I've always had bad knees. 50+ pounds ago, they were worse. I could not kneel. Gradually, my right knee got better. My left knee - no. And then the tendonitis set in. When I would rest it, it would improve.

While on vacation in July, I got bad neck pain and my knee was killing me - bad weather came through. I did not seek medical treatment.

The knee thing has been off & on. The neck pain has been more consistent. Have had x-rays of both areas. Knee is fine (bone wise). Neck... not good. Long story short... x-rays, MRI, bone scan w/SPECT. I have 2 bulging discs, 2 herniated discs. I'm on a pain pill (tramadol) and started physical therapy last Thursday.

Left knee is still having problems. Several weeks ago, while working out, my left elbow was popping and snapping - but not hurting. Then it started hurting a few days later. When I would rest it, it would be fine. It is no longer fine. My left shoulder started hurting shortly after the left elbow. Thought it was connected to my neck - was told by the pain clinic doctor that it is a separate issue. I see an orthopedic specialist on 9/30 for my knee and shoulder. Will have them check my elbow too. (everything is on my left)

Since having 3 children, I would leak a bit of urine when I would sneeze sometimes - or cough when sick. On Friday.... I was trying to be a brave girl and kill a big spider - I was screaming as I was trying to kill it - and peed my pants. :( How embarassing.

Today, took my DD leaf searching for her biology project... and had a bowel accident that I didn't even know I had until the dog pointed it out when she came into the bathroom with me. :( Again... how embarassing. :(

What is going on with me? Is this what happens to everyone who turns 40? Your whole body just collapses and falls apart? Are all of these things happening at one time, just a coincidence? Am I just being paranoid and have nothing to be worried about?

Oh yeah... 20% hearing loss too.